Waiting Gains

"It's hard to wait, mom." These words came from my three-year-old a couple of days ago, and as simple as they were, I haven't been able to stop considering how much I agree. It's hard to wait for a weekend, filled with loved ones and rest. It's hard to wait for a long-planned vacation, it's hard to wait in traffic, and it's hard to wait for an email or phone call with news. One thing that doesn't get easier as we grow up, is that it's hard to wait.

I've had a near constant prayer these past months about waiting, which has repeatedly gone something like this, "Lord please let this time in RCIA go quickly, or at least feel like it's going quickly...but also, please let us soak in this time and enjoy the fruits of the journey."

I acknowledge that beautiful moments, blessings, knowledge, and experiences come from the waiting, but I continually fight the urge of wishing to just reach the destination. I believe in what the Church says. I've gone to classes, read loads of books, and have grown so much deeper in relationship with God. I feel so ready, but I am not in charge, and I don't know best.

God has given me the graces of joyfully staying in the moment and soaking up this time in RCIA, which I know I will always look back on with gratitude. A few years ago, my impatient self would not have been excited for a months-long process to join the Church. I grew up in churches where if you wanted to join, all you needed to do was raise your hand and acknowledge you accepted Jesus as your savior to become a member.

If we would have rushed through the process of discernment, learning, relationship building, and growing in faith, I would in no way appreciate this Church, becoming Catholic, and the depth of which my relationship with Jesus has expanded with the gravity I do. This period of waiting has been a blessing and a gift. Faith and love were formed in this wait, and neither my husband nor I are the same people who started this process many months ago. God has been working in our waiting.

While it has felt long in places, this small sliver of time in RCIA has really taught me to look wider. Waiting to reach the end, or pushing through to the goal is fine, but what would I have missed if all I did was focus on the destination? There has been growth and joy beyond what I could have imagined in this wait, and that was the plan all along.

Now we find ourselves in another time of waiting, Lent. Lent is a time of journeying with Jesus to the cross though prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. It is meant to remind us of Jesus' time in the desert where He prayed, fasted, and overcame Satan's temptations. Some people I've spoken to don't find Lent to be an enjoyable time within the Liturgical Year. Waiting is hard, and purposely creating discomfort in our lives, even for an excellent reason, goes against our nature has humans.

Remembering that we are weak outside of Him, and that we need Someone to lean on to get through the things of this world is a balm to the soul. We don't have to travel alone. What a grace it is to know that we don't have to be in control of everything, and that we aren't in charge of time. His grace is sufficient. It can be so easy to slip into routines and feelings of apathy. This particular time of waiting reminds us to recenter and remember that we are weak and He is strong.

This is my first Lent, so I don't know for sure, but I am going to go out on a limb and hypothesize that the waiting, struggles, sacrifices, and fasting are going to bring us all a little closer on a journey of sanctification and nearness with Jesus. Lent comes every year, but each time, we have the opportunity to move closer to God. If we are watching the calendar and going through the motions without paying attention and transforming through the wait, we are leaving gifts on the table. There is purpose in this wait.

Waiting for Lent to end, like my RCIA wait, is less about the destination of reaching confirmation or Easter, and more about deeper relationship with the One Who loves us so much that He laid His life down for us (1 John 3:16).

When we really think about it, our entire lives are a journey to reach our eternal destination. One of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis states, "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing of this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."

Nothing and no one of this earth is ever going to fully satisfy our longings- not in the long term. We are created to desire heaven, and we spend our earthly lives, whether we realize it or not, waiting and longing to reach it. Are we making the most of our journey or trudging through? Are we trusting God's plan in our lives and surrendering to Him? Are we growing in our relationship with Jesus? Do we accept and live out the extravagant love, forgiveness, and mercy we have been freely given through Jesus on the cross? Are we growing in holiness and living for God's kingdom instead of living for the world, or ourselves? Are we making the most of our wait here?

If we are waiting until later, or until things are less busy, or until this or that falls into place before deciding to take steps closer to Jesus' open arms, we are not making the most of our earthly time- our wait. Waiting is unpleasant, but Proverbs 3:6 says, "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."

God works on us in the waiting, and He moves us closer to Him if we allow it. We become better followers, and in the process, better people, which points others to Him. We shouldn't be idle in our wait, because we have Kingdom work to do. Waiting is preparing. If we are trusting in Jesus and growing in Him, we are moving toward His plan for us, and possibly bringing others along too. We are being prepared for what is to come. We are working toward His plan for our lives, and that is a gift. Waiting is hard, but it doesn't have be wasted. We can have the worldly view of marching through to the end, or we can embrace every day of the wait and have a front row seat to God's beautiful plan for each of our lives - a plan in which He allows us to participate. Let's not waste time in our waiting!