True Confessions
- tkuckuck18
- Apr 2, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 28, 2024
This past Holy Week has been one of the biggest, most formative weeks of my life. I laugh thinking that my intention was to share every amazing thing I learned and felt in one post. That obviously isn't going to happen, because there would be an entire novel here to read. Here is part one!
On Palm Sunday, my husband and I were conditionally baptized. If you are unsure what that means, I'll help. We had both been baptized as children in our respective Protestant churches, but because we were so young, and couldn't remember the event well, it was unclear if the proper form was used, and words said, so we were baptized conditionally. This means when Father baptized us on Palm Sunday, he said the words, "if you have not been baptized, then I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." We were not baptized twice. Either the first one from childhood, or the one from Palm Sunday was the real baptism, and God knows which.
Immediately after baptisms, we went to our first confession. If any Protestants are reading, please hang with me. I was in your shoes once, and I know what you are thinking. "I can just go to God when I sin. I don't need to talk to a man about my sins, he is a sinner too. I'm already forgiven because Jesus paid for all of our sins already."
If any of those thoughts came to mind, you aren't wrong. But as the late Billy Mays said, "but wait! There's more!"
The biggest argument I hear from non-catholics about confession, and the biggest argument I, myself, had was, Jesus died to pay for our sins, so we no longer need a mediator, we can go straight to Him. That is true, but did you baptize yourself? Did someone have to do that for you?
It's easy to keep doing something if you don't have to take full ownership of it. It's also easy not even to realize you are doing anything wrong when you don't stop to examine your actions from time to time. It's one thing to talk to God about our sins, to admit them, and ask for forgiveness. It's another to have to sit and contemplate them, and tell them to another person, out loud. The depth of sin becomes much more real. Further, we know we are forgiven, but the comfort in hearing the words, "I absolve you from your sins, you are made new, go in peace," is unmatched.
As I was preparing for my first confession, I spent a great deal of time with a pamphlet that had an examination of conscience. When I read through the examination, three major things shifted deep in my being. First, I realized I am a lot more sinful than I thought. I rolled through life thinking I was a pretty decent person. I thought I was in a good place with God, but it took discovering an unfamiliar place (The Church, and specifically confession) to figure out I had tons of work left to do. If you think you're doing all right, I urge you to check out an examination of conscience. Sit with it, pray over it, be honest with yourself, and more importantly, with our Savior. I will link one for married and one for single people at the bottom. This isn't to make anyone feel bad, but it is to make us see the truth, and the truth sets us free.
The second thing I realized was that Jesus didn't only die on the cross to pay for our sins, so we can be saved, as I had heard every Sunday of my life. He entered into is passion so we could be saved AND so that we could live for Him. I used to believe living in freedom of Christ was a joyous celebration of His death and resurrection so I could have eternal life, but that thought isn't complete. The real freedom is making our entire lives a sacrifice to Him, because he sacrificed for us. Freedom doesn't result simply from being forgiven. Freedom isn't a free pass. Freedom is an abundant life, surrendered and sacrificed to Him who gave all for us. What the passion of Christ gave us was an opportunity to choose to take up our crosses and follow Him, and in that comes true abundance.
Third, have you ever done something sinful, then thought, "God knows my heart"? I have. The fact of the matter is, though, MY sins (and yours) put Him on the cross in the first place. Jesus' sacrifice on the cross to pay for our sins and give us the opportunity to come into relationship with the Holy Trinity is the best, most important occurrence of all time. What about His suffering though? What about His agony in the garden, the beating He took, the crown of thorns that was shoved over His head? What about how He, injured beyond what most of us could even fathom, carried a heavy cross, from which he would be hung until he died? The victory is always celebrated (and it should be!), but let's not forget the sacrifice that came before the victory.
Father Mike Schmitz once said, "If my part in Christ's Passion is not real, then my share in His resurrection is not real. I may not ever evade blame." My sins made Jesus' sacrifice necessary. Through confession I discovered I couldn't just rejoice in His gift like I used to. I needed to take ownership. In my former life, I knew I sinned sometimes, but I never fretted much about it, because Jesus paid for it- it was taken care of. That is truth. But I was presuming on His grace. I was allowing the knowledge that I had been covered by mercy and grace to excuse myself when I did something wrong. I'd try to do better next time. I loved Him, yes. I was devoted to Him, but I was not living for Him the way I thought I had been. I was taking advantage of His grace.
Will I still sin? You bet, but the sacrament of confession has made me new in so many ways. I no longer think only about being forgiven, getting to heaven, and avoiding punishment. It's not about me. It's about Jesus, and more than anything I dread the thought of letting Him down, because as it's stated in the Act of Contrition, He is all good and deserving of all my love. That means I need to die to myself and live for the Lord. Sometimes I will fall short, but Jesus' sacrifice and saving grace will never be taken for granted by this girl again.
See you in the confessional line!
Examination of Conscience
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