The Depths of Prayer

When we started the conversion process, I didn't realize how immensely my prayer life would change. It was the biggest shift I hadn't even expected. I don't recall a time in my life when I didn't pray. I prayed at mealtimes, in church, in bed before falling asleep, and with friends in youth groups as a teen. Even when I didn't attend church regularly throughout college, I prayed daily. I thought I had that box of my faith confidently checked. (Insert buzzer noise).

Without prayer, we would be lost and lonely, because even though we have family and friends, no one fills every void completely and unfailingly the way God does. Most of us think prayers are a straight forward thing. We talk to God, and if we listen, He talks to us, through the Holy Spirit. Easy peasy! The way I saw it, when we decided to take the leap into Catholicism, I would learn many new things, but prayer wouldn't be one of them- I'd been doing that my entire life already.

I was always taught that prayer was like a conversation with a friend, and it shouldn't be too scripted. Heaven forbid it sounded like it wasn't coming from the heart, or someone sounded like a robot reading prewritten words off of a paper! I still believe that conversational prayer is great, and I still do it - especially when I'm asking for strength and patience as my children fight over the same Lego brick for the thirteenth time in one afternoon.

One thing I have found to be a huge disservice to the cultivation of my prayer life growing up though, was the omission, and lack of acknowledgement, of other types of prayers. My entire life I had been treating God like a fairy godparent and conversationally asking Him for things without even realizing it. I thanked Him for things too, I wasn't a total monster, but most of my prayers involved thanksgiving for the things I had, and asking for things I didn't have on repeat.

When we started attending a Catholic Church, and later entered RCIA, we were given a manual of prayers. As I read through it, I was amazed at all of the occasions for prayer I hadn't even thought about. There were prayers for living well, for every specific need you could imagine, prayers asking for intercession, for every occasion from birth through death, for days and seasons, prayers of adoration, prayers of Saints- the list went on and on! They were beautifully written, and had exactly the words I needed to say and hear- and guess what, those Saints said it much more eloquently than I ever could! I was in awe at all of the ways my life could be enriched by these pre-written words. There are so many meaningful ways to pray, and so many occasions for prayer in just one day, and I had never realized this!

The thing about these prayers is that they aren't just words to be read and recited, they are tools of education. They are words that can be meditated upon and be driven down deep into the soul. Praying the words of someone else can help you see something you've been missing your entire life. The concept could have always been right in front of you, but because it's presented in a new way, you have the opportunity to learn and grow. It's almost like discussing the different angles of a topic with a friend. If you ever think you are alone, I suggest looking at some Catholic prayers. Somewhere throughout this deep and wide history of The Church, someone has faced what you are facing, I can almost guarantee it.

Another big difference in my prayer life from then to now, is praying for the intercession of Mary and the Saints. A year ago, you wouldn't have caught me even considering "talking" with someone else in heaven. Praying to anyone but God was an abhorrent thought. I was told Catholics prayed to Mary and the Saints and disrespected God. That just isn't true.

Just like asking a friend on earth to pray for us about something, we can ask Mary and the Saints. We aren't praying to them, we're asking them to pray for us. They're alive in heaven. They understand what we are going through, because they lived here as humans who sin too. James 5:16 even tells us, "Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

If "the prayer of a righteous person has great power," how more righteous could a person be, than one who is in heaven? I want them on my team for sure.

While we're on the topic of Saints and Mary, I would be remiss not to give the Rosary, a beautiful prayer, a paragraph or two...or three. When I was a little girl, maybe seven or eight years old, I saw a rosary for the first time. I was in a mall with my parents, and my dad and I were sitting on a bench waiting for my mom to come out of a store. An elderly woman with a neat updo and a dress sat down near us and brought these beads out of her purse. She started praying and my eyes were glued to her! Even to my childish eyes, it was a beautiful moment, and I've never forgotten it. That may, in fact, have been the first ever seed planted in my heart to become Catholic. I hope one day I'll meet that woman in heaven, and be able to give her a big hug.

Fast forward 25-ish years, and I pray a Rosary a day. When I started asking questions and reading copious amounts of books, as one does when they're making life altering decisions, the Rosary was something I was most excited and intimidated to learn. I picked it up hesitantly, wondering if it would upset God. I begged His forgiveness before stumbling through the prayers on a pamphlet I picked up at church. For weeks I carried on in that manner, but something kept bringing me back. Then one day it clicked. The Rosary is all about honoring Jesus, and praying through His Mother to Him. It is a reminder of all of the miracles and wonders He performed, of his sacrifice and passion - it's the story of His earthy life!

The Rosary helps us recall daily things like the birth of Jesus, the baptism of Jesus, the wedding at Cana, Jesus' agony in the garden, His crowing with thorns, and His crucifixion for you and me. The mysteries remind us to meditate on things like humility, openness to the Holy Spirit, courage, sorrow for sin, patience, faith, and love of God, among many more. Tell me how you go wrong praying and meditating on those things? Praying the Rosary is a life changer.

If all of those new concepts weren't enough of a wake up call to how little I knew about prayer, the discovery of the most important prayer in the Catholic faith, the Mass, sealed the deal. I had always thought the Mass was what the church service was called, but I quickly learned, it too, is a prayer. It's not just a few words to open and close the worship time, it is a full prayer that bonds and unifies those in attendance, and leaves them filled with hope, love, and charity.

Prayer is a very personal thing, but it doesn't always have to be a private thing. As I have moved through the weeks of RCIA, I have seen beauty in kneeling and praying as one church during Mass. I've found comfort praying as a group with my dear friends in Bible study. I've witnessed joy praying with my family, peace praying privately, and direction just adoring silently in the Church.

To think that I lived decades on this earth saying the same prayers from my pillow, essentially one directionally, blows my mind. The ways the Catholic Church has opened my mind and spirit to prayer is beyond what I could have comprehended when we first stepped through the doors. I am growing deeper in relationship with God, am learning how to become a more pleasing child to Him, and most importantly, I am putting the focus on Him instead of me. I am just so grateful.

A favorite prayer of mine by St. Teresa of Avila

Lord, grant that I may always allow myself to be guided by you, always follow your plans, and perfectly accomplish your holy will. Grant that in all things, great and small, today and all the days of my life, I may do whatever you may require of me. Help me to respond to the slightest prompting of your grace, so that I may be your trustworthy instrument for your honor. May your will be done in time and eternity - by me, in me, and through me. Amen.