Fear and Humility

My children have this adorable book, called Jonathan James and the WhatIf Monster. The story is about this little boy who wants to do so many things. He wants to climb a tree, play baseball, run in a race, and jump off of a diving board into the pool. Creeping in the background is the WhatIf Monster, and he follows Jonathan James everywhere, asking questions. What if he fails? What if he falls down? What if he gets hurt? What if he looks silly? Jonathan James finally stands up to the monster, and begins to list all of the things that could go right. By the end of the story, he discovers all of the ways he could live a fuller, happier life through facing his fear.

Aren't we all Jonathan James in some way? What if I'm not good enough for God? What will people think of me if I convert? What if my comfortable lifestyle changes? What if what The Church says is actually true? Let's discuss.

What if I'm not good enough for God?

No one is good enough, but we are loved. Romans 3: 10 states clearly, "There is no one who is righteous, not even one..." further down in the same chapter St. Paul says, "...since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; they are now justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus."

Jesus is the only perfect One, and He took our sin, our shame, and our punishment on the cross. Nothing we can do is going to be good enough outside of Him. Jesus doesn't ask for a perfect performance. All He asks of us is to believe, repent, and live for Him. In Luke 9:23 Jesus says, "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."

Our past shouldn't hinder us from moving closer to Him. We should instead be encouraged to live for Him every day because of the mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love He showers upon us. We are loved not because we are deserving, but despite the fact that we aren't. If you are worried about your past, please know every person in The Church has one. Here is the beauty though, your past, and mine, are left to the mercy of God. All we are asked to do now, and in the future, is to wholeheartedly follow Him.

What will people think of me if I convert?

This one was a hard lesson for me, personally, and if I'm being honest, I'm still working on it. I was raised by a very loving family with extremely high expectations. I was terrified of stepping over any lines, for fear of disappointing. Converting to Catholicism after growing up Protestant, raised by generations of Protestants, meant I would be leaving the faith in which my family worshipped and believed. Naturally there was some discourse, and there is still tension, but I had to make a decision. Was I going to follow where God was leading me, or was I going to allow others to lead me? No one can serve two masters. I love and respect people who disagree with me, but at the end of the day, I live for eternity. I follow God.

What if my comfortable lifestyle changes?

It will. You will experience Jesus, Mary, the Saints, prayer life, church attendance, decision making, and overall outlook on life in new and different ways. Jesus will become your true friend, and the One with Whom you share joys and sufferings. Mary will become more than the woman in the nativity. You will gain a spiritual mother. Saints will be more than a football team, or drawings on church walls. They will become your guides and partners in prayer. You'll find yourself in Mass every Sunday, and not because you're obligated, but because you've been waiting all week to get back there!

Venerable Fulton Sheen once said, "It is a fear of how grace will change and improve them that keeps many souls away from God. They want God to take them as they are and let them stay that way."

If you wholeheartedly follow God, you won't stay the same. You'll find yourself wanting to make decisions that please God, and that lead people to Him. You will start seeing Him everywhere. Your comfortable lifestyle will change, and buckle up, because it is beautiful beyond words.

What if what The Church says is true?

Where I grew up in the Bible Belt of Appalachia, Catholicism wasn't a very welcome topic in some places. I grew up believing in the same God, sure, but the things I believed about Him, worship, and a few other topics were not the same beliefs I have now. A few years ago I would have laughed at someone who told me there is more to the faith than the Bible alone, or sola scriptura. I would have felt uncomfortable praying to Mary or the Saints, who by the way, pray for us, on our behalf, just as we ask friends and family to pray for us on earth. We don't believe we are praying to them as if they are God.

My point to this is, I didn't know what I didn't know. When I started asking questions, I was scared about what I might find. Would my entire life's beliefs be a lie? Who wants to look that question in the face?

I asked a friend of mine at least twenty questions a day for months (thank you Nicholas). I read books and articles constantly (I still do that). I wanted answers, and THIS Church had them! For the first time in my life, straight answers were coming from all directions, instead of, "God works in mysterious ways", or "If it's not in the Bible it doesn't matter." I got answers that made sense - answers from scripture, tradition, and centuries of scholars. To my great relief, my faith wasn't a lie, but it certainly grew deeper. I'm going to give you a spoiler here. What the Catholic Church says is true. I hang my eternal life on it.

We could continue with, "what ifs", and I'm sure you could plug any fear or doubt you might have in these spaces as well, but eventually we have to set aside the pride that is fear, and go for it if we want to live our fullest lives here and in eternity.

If I asked you to think of opposite words for fearful, you would probably say, brave or courageous. I wouldn't say you're wrong, but where do bravery and courage start? Some of the most noble Saints we learn about overcame great fear and hardships, but was bravery their secret weapon? I've been pondering that for a while, and I think bravery and courage come from humility.

Humility means modesty or a low regard for self. It's the opposite of pride and self reliance. I think ultimate humility occurs when we put ourselves in God's mighty hands. What if we followed that nudge that has us asking questions? What if we move out of our comfort zone? What if we worried only about what our Creator and Savior wants for us, instead of pleasing people? What if we aren't good enough, but He loves us anyway? We're meant to be humble, and to let Him be the leader. After all, He is the vine, and we are the branches. In Him we bear much fruit, and apart from Him we can do nothing. (John 15:5)

Will you humble yourself and allow God to be the vine so that you can experience His perfect strength in your weakness? His plans are greater than our wildest dreams. Those "what ifs" above were mine. I wrestled them for years. Praise be to God, I finally got humble enough to be brave.

These were some helpful books for me, if you have questions too.

Rome Sweet Home: Our Journey to Catholicism - Kimberly Hahn

Jesus and the Jewish Roots of the Eucharist: Unlocking the Secrets of the Last Supper - Brant Pitre

Interior Castle - St. Teresa of Avila

Hail, Holy Queen: The Mother of God in the Word of God - Scott Hahn

Signs of Life: 40 Catholic Customs and Their Biblical Roots - Scott Hahn

Jesus and the Jewish Roots of Mary: Unveiling the Mother of the Messiah - Brant Pitre

And of course, Jonathan James and the WhatIf Monster - Michelle Nelson-Schmidt